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Nation Debates Extremely Complex Issue of Children Firing Military Weapons August 31, 2014

Posted by rogerhollander in Children, Gun Control/Violence, Humor.
Tags: , , , , ,

Roger’s note: Last week a nine year old girl from New Jersey was on vacation with her family in Arizona where she was taken to a gun range (the Last Stop shooting range) by her parents where she was given a Uzi sub-machine gun to fire at a target.  Something went wrong, probably with the weapon’s recoil, and she occidentally shot and killed the instructor at her side.  Unlike the article below, I am not making this up.


AUGUST 28, 2014


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Across the United States on Wednesday, a heated national debate began on the extremely complex issue of children firing military weapons.

“Every now and then, the nation debates an issue that is so complicated and tricky it defies easy answers,” says pollster Davis Logsdon. “Letting small children fire automatic weapons is such an issue.”

Logsdon says that the thorny controversy is reminiscent of another ongoing national debate, about whether it is a good idea to load a car with dynamite and drive it into a tree.

“Many Americans think it’s a terrible idea, but others believe that with the correct supervision, it’s perfectly fine,” he says. “Who’s to say who’s right?”

Similar, he says, is the national debate about using a flamethrower indoors. “There has been a long and contentious national conversation about this,” he says. “It’s another tough one.”

Much like the long-running national debates about jumping off a roof, licking electrical sockets, and gargling with thumbtacks, the vexing question of whether children should fire military weapons does not appear headed for a swift resolution.

“Like the issue of whether you should sneak up behind a bear and jab it with a hot poker, this won’t be settled any time soon,” he says.



1. lwk2431 - September 1, 2014

It is pretty ridiculous to get “all up in arms” over a freak accident that might happen once every half century or so. Yeah, the guy was an idiot. But a lot more idiots with cars will kill people today than people with legally owned sub-machineguns doing something really stupid.

rogerhollander - September 1, 2014

In the first place, one such death is unjustifiable. There may not be accidental machine gun deaths every day, but in fact every day children are being killed by “legal” firearms (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/29/us/children-and-guns-the-hidden-toll.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0).

The automobile analogy to criticize gun CONTROL is just plain ridiculous. In the first place cars are built for transportation whereas guns are built to maim and kill. Secondly, mechanisms of CONTROL to reduce casualties are in fact in place for car use through licencing and the rules of the road. Those who advocate gun CONTROL do not ask for the elimination of firearms, but rather more stringent CONTROLS. So by referring to car accidents you prove the point of gun CONTROL advocates and not that of those who make a fetish out of the need to be armed with powerful deadly weapons.

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