Colbert: If Mormons Posthumously Baptize Holocaust Victims, I’ll Posthumously Circumsize Mormons February 25, 2012
Posted by rogerhollander in Humor, Religion.Tags: baptism, baptizing jews, circumcision, colbert report, Humor, humour, jews, morman baptizing, Mormons, religion, religious bigotry, roger hollander, roman catholic, stephen colbert
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WATCH THE VIDEO:
Elie Wiesel has recently spoken out against the far too common Mormon practice of posthumously baptizing Holocaust victims–including a record nine baptisms of Anne Frank.
In his new segment on the controversy, Colbert gets in a few digs at the Mormon tiers of heaven (the top of which is only reseved for true Mormons), his own Catholic faith and a certain recent comedy film too (to tell you which one would spoil the joke), before he gets down to his retributive business.
“Right now I’m going to balance everything out by converting all the dead mormons to Judaism,” says Colbert, before he ritually circumcizes a hot dog in proxy for all the world’s departed Mormons. “Mormon Tov!” he cries.
“Don’t shit on me” February 19, 2012
Posted by rogerhollander in Humor, Political Commentary.Tags: cartoon, Humor, humour, Media, political cartoon, political reporting, politics, roger hollander, television
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I COULD GIVE YOU MY IDEA OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT; BUT, IN HONOR OF THE NOTION THAT A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS; I WILL LEAVE IT TO YOU TO ENJOY THINKING ABOUT HOW RELEVANT A MESSAGE THIS CARTOON HOLDS.
MY KIND OF MISSIONARIES February 10, 2012
Posted by rogerhollander in Humor, Religion.Tags: atheism, atheist, cartoon, Humor, humour, missionaries, missionary, religion, religious humor, roger hollander
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Clergymen brawl during cleanup at birthplace of Jesus December 28, 2011
Posted by rogerhollander in Humor, Religion.Tags: bethlehem, christian denomications, Christianity, church of the nativity, clergy, JESUS BIRTHPLACE, religion, roger hollander
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The fight erupted between Armenian and Greek Orthodox clergymen who fiercely guard their sections of the Church of Nativity. Bernat Armangue/AP
BETHLEHEM- The annual cleaning of one of Christianity’s holiest churches deteriorated into a brawl between rival clergy Wednesday, as dozens of monks feuding over sacred space at the Church of the Nativity battled each other with brooms until police intervened.
The ancient church, built over the traditional site of Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem, is shared by three Christian denominations — Roman Catholics, Armenians and Greek Orthodox. Wednesday’s fight erupted between Greek and Armenian clergy, with both sides accusing each other of encroaching on parts of the church to which they lay claim.
The monks were tidying up the church ahead of Orthodox Christmas celebrations in early January, following celebrations by Western Christians on Dec. 25. The fight erupted between monks along the border of their respective areas. Some shouted and hurled brooms.
Palestinian security forces rushed in to break up the melee, and no serious injuries were reported. A Palestinian police spokesman would not immediately comment.
A fragile status quo governs relations among the denominations at the ancient church, and to repair or clean a part of the structure is to own it, according to accepted practice. That means that letting other sects clean part of the church could allow one to gain ground at another’s expense. Similar fights have taken place during the same late-December cleaning effort in the past.
Tensions between rival clergy at the church have been a fact of life there for centuries and have often been caught up in international politics.
In the 1800s, friction between the denominations at the church — each backed by foreign powers — became so fraught that Russian Czar Nicholas I deployed troops along the Danube to threaten a Turkish sultan who had been favouring the Catholics over the Orthodox.
Those disagreements threaten the integrity of the church itself, which was originally built 1,500 years ago and parts of which have fallen into disrepair. Although the roof has needed urgent work for decades, and leaking rainwater has ruined much of the priceless artwork inside, a renovation has been delayed all these years by disagreements among the denominations over who would pay.
Only recently, the Palestinian Authority brokered an agreement to move ahead with replacing the roof, and officials hope work will begin in 2012.
Santa Blown out of the Sky: World’s Children Mourn December 25, 2011
Posted by rogerhollander in Humor, Religion, Right Wing, War on Terror.Tags: christmas, cia missile, Humor, humour, north pole, pat robertson, political satire, predator, predator missile, roger hollander, santa, santa claus, satire, terrorism, war on terror
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Dateline: North Pole, December 25, 2011
R. Hollander reporting:
A U.S. CIA launched Predator missile went astray shortly after midnight this morning and made a direct hit on Santa and his reindeer just over the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan. Santa and sleigh were totally obliterated. Locals reported finding scattered pieces of reindeer flesh and cheap plastic in fields located miles from the point of contact. Santa had just picked up his payload from his major suppliers in China and was near the beginning of his run. This unfortunately means that virtually none of the world’s children received Christmas presents this year. Mrs. Claus is reported in deep mourning.
How this tragedy came to pass is just beginning to emerge. First reports from the CIA cited Taliban hackers having found their way into the guidance system and sending the missile, originally intended to wipe out Taliban wedding guests, off its course. President Obama, in sending his condolences to the world’s children, hinted at al Queda terrorist involvement. This was later confirmed by an anonymous CIA spokesperson, who added that it was also likely that Julian Assange and Bradley Manning were also somehow involved behind the scenes. When asked by a reporter how Manning could possibly be involved from his prison cell, the spokesperson responded with a wry smile and a winking gesture.
However, within the past hour a previously little known organization is claiming responsibility for the action. In a communique singed by “White Knight,” representing Knighted Koalition of Khristians Indignant for the Lord of Lords (K.K.K.I.L.L.), details were given about the Predator’s guidance system that gave serious credibility to the claim. His allegation that the organization recently has received the endorsement of key Republican presidential candidates has not been confirmed. In explaining the motives for the attack, White Knight claimed that taking out Santa Claus was necessary in order to reverse the trend of children focusing on St. Nick rather than the birth of Jesus at Christmas time. He suggested that this was an act of “tough love” toward the world’s children, who needed to learn that the worship of Jesus was more important that Chinese-made gizmos and gadgets.
The reaction of several Christianity’s leading evangelicals was echoed by the Rev. Pat Robertson who suggested that in using exclusively male elves, Santa was in effect promoting homosexuality, and that this could not be allowed to continue.
Others have taken a softer line, characterizing the hit on Santa Claus as collateral damage in the War on Terror.
In his attempt to elicit a reaction from a child to this tragedy, this reporter was unable to find a child who was not so tear ridden so as being able to make a statement.
Thanksgiving: telling it like it is November 24, 2011
Posted by rogerhollander in First Nations, Humor.Tags: american genocide, conan o'brien, First Nations, happy thanksgiving, humorm, humour, jon stewart, roger hollander, thanksgiving humor
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Jon Stewart: “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
Conan O’Brien: “The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, “I don’t need a pardon. I need a job.’”
‘Gay’ Penguins to Be Separated at Toronto Zoo November 15, 2011
Posted by rogerhollander in Animal Protection, Humor, LGBT.Tags: african penguins, animal husbandry, animal rights, endangered species, gay penguins, Humor, humour, penguin mating, roger hollander, toronto zoo
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Roger’s note: I don’t know if we need to alert the gay rights or the animal rights folks; but something has to be done for poor Buddy and Pedro!
Toronto Zoo to separate two “gay” penguins so that they can breed. (Rene Johnston/Toronto Star)
The amorous connection between two inseparable male penguins will soon come to an end when the Toronto Zoo pairs them with females.
“The males will be put in with a specific female so they have the chance to get to know one another, and if they bond, that’s what we’re looking for,” Bill Rapley, the zoo’s executive director of conservation and wildlife, told ABCNews.com.
Buddy, 21, and Pedro, 10, lived in a zoo in Toledo, Ohio, before traveling to Canada to become part of the Toronto Zoo’s first African penguin exhibit in 18 years.
Zookeepers quickly observed courtship and mating behaviors that are typically exhibited only between males and females.
“When you put things in captivity, odd things happen,” Kevin McGowan of the Cornell Laboratory of Ornithology in Ithaca, N.Y., told ABCNews.com. “The way penguins work is they do get paired for a long time. Basically, the only other penguin they care about is their mate, so it’s important for them to find somebody who’s compatible, and if you don’t have a normal upbringing then it’s difficult to say how ‘normal’ they can be.”
Buddy and Pedro, who were both raised in captivity, pair together every night, “bray” at one another, groom each other, and never seem to tire of standing alongside each other, the Toronto Star reported.
But because the penguins have “top-notch genes,” zookeepers want them to breed with females to help populate the species, which is endangered.
According to the Toronto Zoo’s website, the African penguin population initially declined because their eggs had been overharvested, and many of their habitats had been disturbed. Today, oil pollution and a shrinking food supply exacerbated by commercial fishing are the major threats to their existence.
The zoo is now engaged in a species survival plan to help the species populate.
But just because Buddy and Pedro are placed with females doesn’t mean they will want to pair with them, which might pose a challenge to the zoo’s attempts at animal husbandry.
“They don’t necessarily do what you want them to do, and what can be kind of tricky is getting them to accept the mate you want them to have,” said McGowan.
Part of the reason penguins tend to be so picky about their mates, he said, is because rearing chicks is “one of the hardest working times of their lives,” McGowan said. “There’s an awful lot of feeding.
“You can imagine if you’re going to invest so much time and energy in a chick … you would be choosy [about your mate] in that situation,” he said. “And the penguins are relatively choosy.”
Buddy might have an easier time adapting than Pedro. Before Buddy arrived at the Toronto Zoo, he paired with a female for “quite a few years,” and they had eggs together, Tom Mason, Toronto Zoo curator of birds, told ABCNews.com. ”After she passed away, Buddy was put with Pedro at the other zoo [in Ohio] and now they’ve been put in here to specifically breed with females. We’re setting up colony of 12 – to maximize genetics and avoid inbreeding.”
But when the breeding season is over, all the birds will eventually return to the same enclosure, and “if Buddy and Pedro want to be together … they will be back together, ” said Mason.
A Few Facts About African Penguins
- Pairs mate for life
- They live about 15 to 20 years
- Both males and females incubate eggs
- The population has dropped from millions to less than 60,000 since the 1800s
On Lousy Coverage and the Police Riot Kitten Meme October 28, 2011
Posted by rogerhollander in Civil Liberties, Democracy, Humor, Occupy Wall Street Movement, Uncategorized.Tags: abby zimet, journalism, Media, oakland, oakland california, oakland police, occupy oakland, occupy wall street, police brutality, police repression, police riot, police state, police violence, roger hollander, Wall Street, wapo, washington post, yellow journalism
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by Abby Zimet
The Washington Post is rightly taking heat for their print coverage of the Oakland police riots, which consisted of a bewilderingly irrelevant photo of a nice wittle cop petting a nice wittle kittie – Look Ma, no tear gas! – over the headline, “Protesters Wearing Out Their Welcome Nationwide.” Ok, we don’t expect much from them, but whoah. Meanwhile, online wise-acres are having a fine old time with it. A reminder on the media: Be wary of your source.
“Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.” – Noam Chomsky.
oakland riot cat
I refuse to believe that corporations are people until Texas executes one September 20, 2011
Posted by rogerhollander in Criminal Justice, Democracy, Humor.Tags: capital punishment, chevron, constitution, corporate greed, corporations, corporations are people, death sentence, democracy, dow, exonmobil, mitt romney, monsanto, nestle, pfizer, supreme court, texas executions, walmart
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Obama drops bombshell: Announces trade embargo against China and Saudi Arabia April 27, 2012
Posted by rogerhollander in Cuba, Democracy, Humor, Latin America.Tags: Canada, cartagena summit, china, Cuba, democracy, Humor, oas, political satire, president obama, roger hollander, satire, saudi arabia, Stephen Harper, trade embargo, white houe correspondent
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In one of the most bizarre moments ever witnessed at a presidential news conference, President Obama was taken aback when confronted by the former doyenne and rare iconoclast amongst White House correspondents Helen Thomas. The latter, who had lost her credentials for anti-Israel comments, apparently was able to enter the presidential briefing disguised as New York times columnist David Brooks. Just returned from his highly successful Cartagena Summit, where only a handful of his Secret Service protectors got caught underpaying Colombian hookers (in violation of the principles of the proposed US Colombia free trade agreement and the War on Sin), the President re-iterated his opposition to Cuba’s participation in the OAS (where only 33 Latin American presidents stood up against the US and Canada, in other words, a technical minority).
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Cuba, unlike the other countries that are participating, has not yet moved to democracy, has not yet observed basic human rights. I am hopeful that a transition begins to take place inside of Cuba. And I assure you that I and the American people will welcome the time when the Cuban people have the freedom to live their lives, choose their leaders, and fully participate in this global economy and international institutions.
It was at this point that Thomas qua Brooks went where no White House correspondent had gone before and asked the President how Cuba was any different on human rights violations and democracy than major US trading partners China and Saudi Arabia. President Obama, a legal scholar and a man known for transparency, honesty and loose change you can believe in, responded with: “Oh my God, you’re right. I hadn’t noticed.”
The President then surprised everyone by postponing the rest of the conference so that he could confer with his economic advisors to consider this new information.
Several hours later the President returned to announce trade sanctions against the undemocratic and totalitarian regimes of China and Saudi Arabia. In his statement Obama belittled the loss of Saudi oil, saying that it only represents 11% of US imports and that could be made up by draining more oil from our loyal Canadian neighbors, where the Harper Conservative government (a government with an absolute majority in parliament despite only 40% of the popular vote — a singular strength of Canadian democracy) was the only support against the Latin American ingrates ganging up against North American largesse in Cartagena. The President added that he had his eyes on all that Canadian fresh water as well.
The President admitted, however, that the Chinese embargo might present more of a problem for Americans in that amongst China’s major exports to the United States included apparel, footwear and toys and sports equipment. “As with our successful interventions to bring democracy to Iraq and Afghanistan”, the President noted, “the American people have shown themselves to be more than willing to make sacrifices in the name of democracy.” The President added that he was particularly concerned about the loss of toys for American children, the vast majority of which come from totalitarian, undemocratic, Communist China (thanks to that notorious pinko Richard Nixon). He therefore announced that his government would be buying up all the toy outlets from the nation’s number one toy retailer and renaming it Democracy “R” Us. Children from every nook and corner of America will be invited to learn about democracy in sessions where they will debate and vote on resolutions authored by lobbyists from the military and major corporations including arms manufacturers, big Pharma, Dick Cheney’s oil buddies, the prison-industrial complex, major HMOs and other paragons of American democracy.
When asked for a comment, Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney stated that he was too busy trying to find a way to convince Evangelical Christians that Mormonism is not a cult and that his grandparents probably were not polygamists to be able to make a statement at the moment. He added, however, that we could count on hearing at least two conflicting opinions from him in the near future.